Monday, May 21, 2007

Not Enough

I have been doing a lot of self-evaluating lately. Maybe I am making a breakthrough in my Self Improvement Process (I didn't know I had one...wow BREAKTHROUGH!)... maybe I'm PMSing.. who knows..

Anyway...

Maybe I am not the great friend or sister I thought I was..

I have taken part in my fair share of back-bighting. I have turned my back on friends when their problems became to consuming for me. I defend myself saying "I can't solve everyone's problems... I need to live my own liiiiiife." But in the end, when the tie of friendship is so evidently severed to the point where I know I can never go back to that person at all... I wonder "Did I really give that person my all? Did I give up too early? Was I a terrible friend?"

I was so close to this one girl - American convert like yours truly - who recently gave in to the temptation that had been nagging her for the few years.. and removed her hijab, left her husband... and reverted to her old life of clubbing and dating men.

I guess I turned my back on her when I got this job last fall. In my defense, I reasoned to myself that i was too tired to listen to her problems. I was trying to adjust to a new career that was consuming my life. I got a hold of it now, but did I try to make ammends with this girl? No I did not.

So now she is going all buck wild but still keeps in touch with our large circle of friends. She calls everyone accept me. I have officially been cut off.

It makes me feel bad. I feel awful. I am not The Girl Who Turns Her Back To You. Maybe I didn't do enough.

5 comments:

Safa said...

It's great that you are looking inside yourself.....but don't go feeling guilty for the decisions that she made.......

purvis said...

I agree. She's doing whatever she needs to do to figure herself out.

Casmee said...

I wouldn't feel bad. After all you don't have much left in common do you?

muslimahlocs said...

then continue to make du'a for her and for yourself.

southernmuslimah said...

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister,

It takes alot of courage to evaluate yourself. :)I have had a similar situation in being cut off from a certain muslimah.

Insh'Allah you could email her or call her just to say what's up...if you think it wouldn't cause any major problems. Your interactions with her could have an impact and bring her out of the phase she's in. Of course you know yoursituation better than anyone.