Sunday, July 26, 2009

WTH Jilbabble?!

Just finished reading this post and this post from A Glimpse Into the Life of a Muslimah. Homegirl just totally kicked my *** in like 5 minutes. But in a constructive way... Thanks :-)

I know, I know.. It's been too long. I opened a wordpress blog when I was snowbound and bored last December, but it is all a cloudy memory in the back of my mind.

What the heck was I doing this whole time? The normal stuff - home, work, husband, kids, etc. Trying to keep the drama at a bare minimum. Can't say my life is stress free, but the Days of Our Lives shizzle is pretty much non-existent *Alhamdulillah, Insha Allah*.

Jilbabble Jr. is doing well - he is going to be in 6th grade! Since he goes to a small private school, the leap into middle school means going into the 'main building' that is like 10 feet from the elementary school. No lockers, no scary unknown 7th and/or 8th graders to worry about (like bullies) because everyone either gets along really well or moderately tolerates each other. Overall health is okay, but we won't see any of his specialists until next month, so I'll end that topic with an insha Allah kheir..

Jilbaby is 15 months old and quite the character. We really could just sit back and watch him all day. He is a one-baby show. He has a cute face, is extremely chubby (you can't see his neck), and an insanely entertaining personality. Alhamdulillah.

So the big question - Why did I disappear?
I disappeared because I was tired of the whining, dissatisfaction, self-loathing, and constant pity parties I was throwing for myself. If you read the second link listed above, I am guilty of many of those things she advised not to do. For one, being the victim. It is sooo easy for me to point wag my finger and cry at people who hurt me, but what do I get in the end? Nothing. Plus I was reading on other blogs that I know read this one, and some were saying how they were sick of reading muslima blogs where they only write about how miserable they are. I realized that I was turning my suffering into one big pile of stinky cliches. I'd say things and not mean them - like "It's their akhirah, not mine, they can do what they want." I was one of those bloggers. So I decided to disappear for awhile.

I'd like to say that I'm a new and improved Jilbabble. The only way that I've improved is that I no longer obsess on certain things that have happened and have made peace with certain people. I don't forgive, I don't forget, but I just move on with my life. I got to a point (and insha Allah I will FINALLY stay this way) where I can really say "It's their akhirah..." and mean it. Of course it is selective. With some people, I can honestly believe that. But not with others (and those others are not who you think).

Marriage has been verrrrrry hard. I was naive and thick-headed going into it. I thought I had everything figured out. I didn't. Marriage is the most difficult, and most painful endeavor I have ever pursued (not that I've pursued many endeavors... I'm all wordy). But I don't lose hope because it has also been the best of times (no, I'm not kidding). But that will be another post. But I will say this - I look at Jilbaby every day and say Alhamdulillah. I have no regrets, and my relationship with the hubster has never been better. Alhamdulillah.