So yeah I'm all married now... which alhamdulillah is so far, so good.
It is funny how I felt I was so ready to be married and be a wifey and all. And Alhamdulillah I am adjusting to sharing my space with someone taller and older and doesn't call me mom.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Nikaah... aaaaaah
The nikaah is this Friday insha Allah. I am finally at a point where I am looking forward to it.
The whole 'marriage' thing has been a strange notion to me ever since my brother married ten years ago.
His wife got to have her huge extravagant wedding. There were like 12 or 14 people in her wedding party ~ the party consisting of HER family. All her sisters, a few cousins, and friends were her bridesmaids... and my brother had his best friend as his best man.. and my sil brothers and some of my bro's friends as ushers. Her neices and nephews were the bridesmaids and ring bearers...
where did that leave me and the rest of my siblings? My sister was in charge of accepting gifts and my brother and I and got to light some candles. We weren't invited to be in the pictures of the actual wedding party but at least we got to be counted in the family picture -- even though they treated us like strangers throughout the planning and actual wedding & reception.
To top that off... when the ceremony was starting and my sil was waiting to make her entrance.. she was so nervous (understandable when you have 400 people waiting for you) that when I commented on her beauty she told me "don't talk to me." pobrecita X-p
I was disappointed in how so much planning went in to the event, disappointed that the groom's family were not taken into consideration and left to feel like simple guests, and to top it off the bride was so nervous she couldn't even enjoy herself.
I vowed to my parents that I would never throw such a 'frivolous' wedding when i married.. that i'd keep it simple and not exclude anyone.
Keeping to my word, that fall I eloped. I even married someone my family didn't like. Showed them! Not one year later I was left alone in a hospital bed, unable to move, with the possibility of giving birth to a dead baby.
Alhamdulillah I survived. I have grown to love and appreciate myself. I went through years of self-hate, thinking I didn't deserve anything and should ask for anything. Scared to believe in someone, scared to find someone who would actually 'want to marry me'.
It's amazing all the crazy thoughts I've had in my head the past couple of weeks.
Ever since my engagement was announce, shaitan's whispers were on constant playback in my ears. Audhu billah.
Maybe he will change his mind.
Maybe he will leave me after one year.
Don't have a wedding - you don't deserve it!
Other wierd thoughts as well. Was this the right decision? What the hell am I doing???
But alhamdulillah I got over it. Fuzzy has been very patient throughout all my craziness. I started to nit pick his every move. "Why don't you call me enough?" "Are you sure you even want to marry me?" "I'm afraid you will change!"
He totally called on my 'doom-scenario' accusations. "Jilbabble, you can't compare me to anything that happened in the past! Leave the past in the past!"
Alhamdulillah he never asks about my past marriage or anything in the past for that matter. We only had one discussion about it. I am so grateful that he isn't the type to talk about some girl who did him wrong or something. Or his escapades as a non Muslim or whatever. He is very mature about these things and never asks questions or offer too much information.
It is better for me because I know if I find out about past relationships I will dwell on it and ask too many questions. I will instigate fights out of my unfound jealousy of the past. A past I was never a part of.
A girlfriend said that when she remarried, she made sure to put "YOU MAY NOT ASK ABOUT MY PAST" in her marriage contract.
I will put the same. Except I think I want to work more like "Neither one of us may ask the other about a previous marriage, relationship, engagement, etc." Something to that effect. Does this sound okay?
So anyway... we will do our nikaah this friday insha Allah. in a few weeks we will have the wedding/walima insha allah.
It is such a strange feeling to be in this position, to be getting married and actually planning it. I never imagined I'd be getting married.. even though I always wanted to.
Alhamdulillah.
The whole 'marriage' thing has been a strange notion to me ever since my brother married ten years ago.
His wife got to have her huge extravagant wedding. There were like 12 or 14 people in her wedding party ~ the party consisting of HER family. All her sisters, a few cousins, and friends were her bridesmaids... and my brother had his best friend as his best man.. and my sil brothers and some of my bro's friends as ushers. Her neices and nephews were the bridesmaids and ring bearers...
where did that leave me and the rest of my siblings? My sister was in charge of accepting gifts and my brother and I and got to light some candles. We weren't invited to be in the pictures of the actual wedding party but at least we got to be counted in the family picture -- even though they treated us like strangers throughout the planning and actual wedding & reception.
To top that off... when the ceremony was starting and my sil was waiting to make her entrance.. she was so nervous (understandable when you have 400 people waiting for you) that when I commented on her beauty she told me "don't talk to me." pobrecita X-p
I was disappointed in how so much planning went in to the event, disappointed that the groom's family were not taken into consideration and left to feel like simple guests, and to top it off the bride was so nervous she couldn't even enjoy herself.
I vowed to my parents that I would never throw such a 'frivolous' wedding when i married.. that i'd keep it simple and not exclude anyone.
Keeping to my word, that fall I eloped. I even married someone my family didn't like. Showed them! Not one year later I was left alone in a hospital bed, unable to move, with the possibility of giving birth to a dead baby.
Alhamdulillah I survived. I have grown to love and appreciate myself. I went through years of self-hate, thinking I didn't deserve anything and should ask for anything. Scared to believe in someone, scared to find someone who would actually 'want to marry me'.
It's amazing all the crazy thoughts I've had in my head the past couple of weeks.
Ever since my engagement was announce, shaitan's whispers were on constant playback in my ears. Audhu billah.
Maybe he will change his mind.
Maybe he will leave me after one year.
Don't have a wedding - you don't deserve it!
Other wierd thoughts as well. Was this the right decision? What the hell am I doing???
But alhamdulillah I got over it. Fuzzy has been very patient throughout all my craziness. I started to nit pick his every move. "Why don't you call me enough?" "Are you sure you even want to marry me?" "I'm afraid you will change!"
He totally called on my 'doom-scenario' accusations. "Jilbabble, you can't compare me to anything that happened in the past! Leave the past in the past!"
Alhamdulillah he never asks about my past marriage or anything in the past for that matter. We only had one discussion about it. I am so grateful that he isn't the type to talk about some girl who did him wrong or something. Or his escapades as a non Muslim or whatever. He is very mature about these things and never asks questions or offer too much information.
It is better for me because I know if I find out about past relationships I will dwell on it and ask too many questions. I will instigate fights out of my unfound jealousy of the past. A past I was never a part of.
A girlfriend said that when she remarried, she made sure to put "YOU MAY NOT ASK ABOUT MY PAST" in her marriage contract.
I will put the same. Except I think I want to work more like "Neither one of us may ask the other about a previous marriage, relationship, engagement, etc." Something to that effect. Does this sound okay?
So anyway... we will do our nikaah this friday insha Allah. in a few weeks we will have the wedding/walima insha allah.
It is such a strange feeling to be in this position, to be getting married and actually planning it. I never imagined I'd be getting married.. even though I always wanted to.
Alhamdulillah.
Monday, July 30, 2007
My score on The Which Ancient Language Are You Test:
Hieroglyphics
(You scored)
You are Egyptian Hieroglyphics! Monumental, ornate and even in technicolour! Your users contributed virtually all ancient knowledge on inks, dyes and writing surfaces - to the point where the popular reed of Papyrus became the universal name for organic, manufactured writing surfaces in the western hemisphere for thousands of years. Proud, upstanding and dignified.
Link: The Which Ancient Language Are You Test
(OkCupid Free Online Dating)
Friday, July 27, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The Low-Down
I have been way too quiet lately.. especially with all that has been going on!
So I will break things down and let everyone in on my little secrets...
1 - My future Baby Daddy. Alhamdulillah. He is a convert like me. Weeee! He is from the Netherlands and has a very mixed background. Was raised Christian and converted almost 10 years ago. He is one year older than me. Uh... he's tall... dark... and I think he's handsome. Masha Allah. Is in construction. Leaving his life in another state to be with me. We shall build our empire TOGETHER!!
2 - Engagement. Forget Nice Guy nickname. I call him Fuzzy. So anyway.. Fuzzy and I were having this conversation about the whole process of getting married. Seems like Fuzzy didn't know all the technicalities about the wali, contract, etc. He just thought we'd show up to the masjid, get married, and live our life... I quickly put an end to that 'dream':
I won't even think of marrying someone if they haven't even met my parents. Especially my dad. Just cuz he's not Muslim doesn't mean that they don't deserve the respect and consideration one would normally give to a Muslim girl's family3
And with that oh-so-discreet hint.. Fuzzy scratched Plan A.
In June my dad went with his wife and my sister on a tour of Europe. When they came back (literally the next day) Fuzzy drove 12 hours to meet my dad and ask for my hand.
Met the parents. All is well, Alhamdulillah.
3 - Breaking the news to my son. At first he was very upset but now he has accepted it. What helped was Fuzzy coming last week and spending massive amounts of one-on-one time with Jilbabble Jr. while Jilbabble went to work. They are friends now. My son likes him. All bases are covered Alhamdulillah.
4 - Wedding. I had a small engagement party two weeks ago. Got dressed up, had hair and make up done. It was fun. Throwing this small, last minute party has opened my eyes to something I already knew about myself. Jilbabble doesn't do parties. At least for herself. Planning them, and then showing up and being the center of attention - MY WORST NIGHTMARE.
Family and close friends have dreamt of this moment when I'd finally find a nice man who wasn't a psycho or free-loader. They want a wedding... and they want it BAD! I kind of like the idea of something small.... and honestly I would prefer to do the whole gender-segregation thing but out of respect for my family, and since my feelings about it aren't that strong, I'll mix it up. ONe friend said JUST FIND THE DRESS AND WE'LL PLAN THE REST. So I might take her up on that offer.
But I want to do it sooner than later. There are many reasons. The main one is that I am a teacher (hee hee.. I finally admit it) and I am already beginning to prepare for the school year. Once the school year starts.. forget it. It will be too hard to a - teach, b - plan a wedding, and c - give new fuzzy husband his much needed and deserved attention.
Anyhoo.... That is all in a nutshell.....
So I will break things down and let everyone in on my little secrets...
1 - My future Baby Daddy. Alhamdulillah. He is a convert like me. Weeee! He is from the Netherlands and has a very mixed background. Was raised Christian and converted almost 10 years ago. He is one year older than me. Uh... he's tall... dark... and I think he's handsome. Masha Allah. Is in construction. Leaving his life in another state to be with me. We shall build our empire TOGETHER!!
2 - Engagement. Forget Nice Guy nickname. I call him Fuzzy. So anyway.. Fuzzy and I were having this conversation about the whole process of getting married. Seems like Fuzzy didn't know all the technicalities about the wali, contract, etc. He just thought we'd show up to the masjid, get married, and live our life... I quickly put an end to that 'dream':
I won't even think of marrying someone if they haven't even met my parents. Especially my dad. Just cuz he's not Muslim doesn't mean that they don't deserve the respect and consideration one would normally give to a Muslim girl's family3
And with that oh-so-discreet hint.. Fuzzy scratched Plan A.
In June my dad went with his wife and my sister on a tour of Europe. When they came back (literally the next day) Fuzzy drove 12 hours to meet my dad and ask for my hand.
Met the parents. All is well, Alhamdulillah.
3 - Breaking the news to my son. At first he was very upset but now he has accepted it. What helped was Fuzzy coming last week and spending massive amounts of one-on-one time with Jilbabble Jr. while Jilbabble went to work. They are friends now. My son likes him. All bases are covered Alhamdulillah.
4 - Wedding. I had a small engagement party two weeks ago. Got dressed up, had hair and make up done. It was fun. Throwing this small, last minute party has opened my eyes to something I already knew about myself. Jilbabble doesn't do parties. At least for herself. Planning them, and then showing up and being the center of attention - MY WORST NIGHTMARE.
Family and close friends have dreamt of this moment when I'd finally find a nice man who wasn't a psycho or free-loader. They want a wedding... and they want it BAD! I kind of like the idea of something small.... and honestly I would prefer to do the whole gender-segregation thing but out of respect for my family, and since my feelings about it aren't that strong, I'll mix it up. ONe friend said JUST FIND THE DRESS AND WE'LL PLAN THE REST. So I might take her up on that offer.
But I want to do it sooner than later. There are many reasons. The main one is that I am a teacher (hee hee.. I finally admit it) and I am already beginning to prepare for the school year. Once the school year starts.. forget it. It will be too hard to a - teach, b - plan a wedding, and c - give new fuzzy husband his much needed and deserved attention.
Anyhoo.... That is all in a nutshell.....
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Yes... I've finally found someone worthy of crowning Mr. Jilbabble. Hee hee...
I sort of mentioned him awhile ago and labeled him Mr. Nice Guy. From now on he will be referred to as NG.
I'll go into detail later... time for dhohr...
I sort of mentioned him awhile ago and labeled him Mr. Nice Guy. From now on he will be referred to as NG.
I'll go into detail later... time for dhohr...
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)