Will explain after I've picked up the pieces...

Not Enough

I have been doing a lot of self-evaluating lately. Maybe I am making a breakthrough in my Self Improvement Process (I didn't know I had one...wow BREAKTHROUGH!)... maybe I'm PMSing.. who knows..

Anyway...

Maybe I am not the great friend or sister I thought I was..

I have taken part in my fair share of back-bighting. I have turned my back on friends when their problems became to consuming for me. I defend myself saying "I can't solve everyone's problems... I need to live my own liiiiiife." But in the end, when the tie of friendship is so evidently severed to the point where I know I can never go back to that person at all... I wonder "Did I really give that person my all? Did I give up too early? Was I a terrible friend?"

I was so close to this one girl - American convert like yours truly - who recently gave in to the temptation that had been nagging her for the few years.. and removed her hijab, left her husband... and reverted to her old life of clubbing and dating men.

I guess I turned my back on her when I got this job last fall. In my defense, I reasoned to myself that i was too tired to listen to her problems. I was trying to adjust to a new career that was consuming my life. I got a hold of it now, but did I try to make ammends with this girl? No I did not.

So now she is going all buck wild but still keeps in touch with our large circle of friends. She calls everyone accept me. I have officially been cut off.

It makes me feel bad. I feel awful. I am not The Girl Who Turns Her Back To You. Maybe I didn't do enough.

Happy Shahadah!!

Yesterday was my Shahadah Anniversary... 3 years and may Allah give me many more Insha Allah...

Arab in America

Conversation

This evening my son mentioned something to me out of the blue:

I don't remember what my father's voice sounds like.

Well sweetie that is because you only talked to him once a few years ago...

yeah only once or maybe twice in my life... his voice drifts off

Maybe one day Allah swt will send you someone who is even better than him...

He turns his head and looks at me with a smile: That's going to depend on you!

What's Going On

I mentioned that I may have some big news.. well I don't want to get ahead of myself.

So I guess I will just say that yes I started talking to another Could-Be Mr. Jilbabble. We were introduced right around the time I told that other freakazoid to get lost. I'll call this new one Mr. Nice Guy, cuz that what he is. A NICE GUY.

I'm not going to go into details but I will say we finally were able to meet face to face. For my part, it was positive. I have yet to find our how Mr. Nice Guy feels.

Mr. Nice Guy was very polite and friendly. He is also a convert but has been Muslim for almost 10 years alhamdulillah. he's got tons of knowledge and showed it in a non-condescending way. What I liked right away about him was the fact that he didn't try to act like a Know-It-All or Holier-Than-Thou. He speaks of his conversion, of the deen, with a lot of humility and never made me feel like somehow I was not Muslim Enough. You can feel how much he loves this deen just from the way he says "Alhamdulillah."

I can honestly say that if he is not interested in me, I am just glad to have met him. Alhamdulillah.

Time

Some people have too much time...



And others.. like me.. don't seem to have enough of it.

Alhamdulillah my son is doing much better. His kidneys are fine .. he just had some other stuff going on but alhamdulillah it is nothing to really freak out about. It all goes back to ME being more attentive to his needs. *sigh*

Anyhoo.. I may have some big news but I won't say anything until I know for sure.... So stay tuned ya'll...